My college year is almost up with my final exam in June, and I’m bricking it! The workload doesn’t scare me as much as the future does at the moment. I’ve been getting decent grades and have been offered a place at the University I really want and yet I’m super scared about it. It’s almost as if this is all so much so soon! Only last year I lost my dad, and all of a sudden I’m about to step into a career where there are a lot of responsibilities. Wow.
I truly am proud of what I’ve achieved. I’ve given everything my all this past year, I’ve started and kept up my blog, met some lovely people through it, have kept up in college and have a wonderful home life. But maybe that’s why I’m hesitant at going through with this next step in my life? I’d be super happy in a little job that I could get now instead of going through University first, but how long would I be happy for? I think deep down I know I’d get bored of it quickly and would want something more. Honestly, I just want a quiet happy life, but there’s that little nugget of ‘come on, do it!’ in my head that makes me keep going.
University sounds so intimidating, and if I did go, it’ll be the biggest step I’ve taken to make a change in my life and that in itself is terrifying! What if I hate it? There’s no going back once I start because then I’d kick myself. If I don’t go at all, I’ll kick myself. But then I worry that the stress of it will be too much to handle. In the past, I’ve found education to be awfully tasking and difficult to keep on top of, and I do find the course I’m doing now a tad stressful so what am I going to be like when it’s a University course that lasts 3 years? Plus placements. Plus I’ll want to work on the weekends (The only time I’ll be allowed to work for money). Nowadays, I go to college 3 days a week and that’s it, so having 7 days a week of constant work will be quite the change. I think my main concern is that I’m still learning to trust my capabilities with coping with life! I haven’t been the best at dealing with big changes in the past and I’m not sure if I’m ready for one just yet.
I do apologise for my little rant, and it’s so lovely to have space where I can vent about worries! I reckon I’ll choose to go to University since I’m putting myself through the stress of it all I can’t be doing this for no reason! Hopefully, it’ll all become clear soon!